Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My ex-girlfriend sent me a message last night saying "I'm at a major c0ckfest". I guess this is her way of making me jealous, jokes on her I don't even like c0ck.

   joined a nudist colony last week........the first few days were the hardest!

   Gerbil owner? Add an element of surprise to your pets day by placing a bowl of ready Brek in it's cage, covered in sawdust and then placing a sign nearby saying "danger quicksand"

   Dave's girlfriend left him today. She said it was because Dave wouldn't stop talking in the third person.

   Everyone in life has a purpose, even if it's to serve as a bad example

   Never look back unless you're planning to go that way

   I'm proud to say I'm a humble person

   If a tomato is a fruit, does that make ketchup a smoothie

   I just asked my buddy who's lived in Texas on a farm his whole life how many sexual partners he's been with. Strangely enough he started counting and fell asleep. O.o

   Mann life would be so much easier if we just generated all of our food into farts and never had to poop..

   What's the deal with deaf people? Like, Hello?

   That's ok. Iv'e been meaning to clean that table with a full glass of water for a while.

   I get really uncmfortable when people ask embarrasing questions about sex. Like:"Is that it?"

   It's happened: I have developed real emotions for my iPhone. Actually , It's no surprise, because I was raised by a TV and a microwave.

   Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

   My life is like this. I need a spoon but the only thing they offer are chopsticks.

   Sometimes you're the poo and sometimes you're the shoe.

   I've yet to see a pair of boots that"weren't" made for walking.

   Little known fact: Aquaman is peeing in the ocean.

   Check this one out.........1