Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   at Walmart shopping the other day & heard a woman come over the loud speaker,"Attention Kmart Shoppers..." There was a long pause & then she said,"You're in the wrong store."

   TRY UR NAME IN JAPANESE:A=ka B=tu C=mi D=te E=ku F=lu G=ji H=ri I=ki J=zu K=me L=ta M=rin N=to O=mo P=no Q=ke R=shi S=ari T=chi U=do V=ru W=mei X=na Y=fu Z=zi. then paste ur Japanese name below share dis ITS FUN!

   Why do men snore when they lie on their backs???.... Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and cause a vapor lock.

   I think its unfair that men and women are not treated equally...It just seems wrong that women can show a lil boobie and get out of a speeding ticket but when I show a lil ball I get arrested...It just aint right

   "I lost my phone." "Where did you put it last?" "If I known where I put it last, I wouldn't be here saying I lost my phone, dumba$$

   Dear chairs, I know you get more a$$, but I get more head. Sincerely, Pillows.

   Life is not measured by the breaths you take...its measured by the moments that take your breath away.

   I don't see it so much as a cushion. For me it's more of a fart-absorbing device.

   Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's house? Neither has he.

   How may perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One - but it takes an expert medical team to remove it afterwards.

   What is black and hangs from trees in my garden? Blackberries

   Homeland security says the informat they have is a good source. Sounds to me the source may be part of the problem.

   Do you know what chairs think about all day? Oh great here comes another a**hole.

   so everyone's so captivated in changing and updating their online status nowadays.. how about trying to update your "Actual" social status where friends can like you in real life for you, than for your imaginary egotistic thoughts about your life.

   facebook should have an "irrelevant" button . Seriously.

   Don't type to me in THAT tone of voice!

   I Like that you Like what I Liked before I Liked it. Can we be friends?

   The only obstacle to following my dreams is the alarm clock...

   The biggest lie on Facebook: 'status offline'

   Face your damn problems. Don't Facebook your problems.