Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Celebrities of old had talent and class! Why then are the likes of the Kardashians and Hiltons considered celebrities when they have neither?

   If she listens to lil wayne, she to young for you bro

   The most beautiful people are the ones who do not have the intention to look good but end up accidentally looking good.

   Everybody has that one person who always catches you doing weird stuff.

   'I love having sex with you' doesn't mean, 'I'm only having sex with you'

   I want my tombstone to say "Watch where your standing... that hurts!"

   Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian might be the first time in history that the roles have been reversed and a ball player has trapped a hoe.

   Women use their purses as a way to "mark" their territory while shoppin. They make us men hold their purses . I don't care if your Arnold Schwarzenegger, you look like a doofus holding your wifes purse outside a Fashion Barn dressing room.

   The bum economy has sent gold prices sky rocketing....It's so high that an angry flash mob looted Mr. T!

   i dont know why but everytime someone starts a conversation with "this one time" my brain automatically says "at band camp"

   Remember , the Grass is not always Greener on the other side!!! Unless your neighbors are"Cheech & Chong"

   The Pinky Toe:The most sensitive part of your body when it comes to finding furniture in the Dark.

   Going to a chain bookstore and finding all the books on lower back pain on the bottom shelf is most likely result of hiring college grads with degrees like "Art History" and only paying them minimum wage.

   Common sense Nursing is knowing that you should never take a laxative when you have a bad cough.

   Most men would never agree to marriage if they knew how rare it was to mate in captivity.

   I saw an ad on TV that settles the age old query..."What started the universe, God or The Big Bang?" I come to find out in a 30 second commercial that the Solar System is powered by a Jimmy Dean Sausage Biscuit.

   People always talk bout hard work, but you can work hard your whole life and not get anywhere...take my advice, work smart, not hard

   my "sleep number" is a 12.....pack

   When I go to Popeye's I always order "the Kardashian"....a box full of dark meat.

   Things I love like a fat kid loves cake - 1. titties 2. cake.