Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I don't exactly hate her but if she is in fire and I have water I will drink it

   Never trust a dog to watch your food.

   I want a phone that does everything but ring.

   TLC has announced that Kate +8 has been cancelled and has been replaced with a new show Casey -1.

   taken what I can get.. But I am not settling for anything less than what I want..

   GHETTO word of the day:CHINO, Chino like it when I spend my whole paycheck on beer

   The 6 LEAST POPULAR Nursing Home Games:6 Simon says Something Incoherent 5.Pin the Toupee on Baldy 4. Hide and Go Pee 3. Musical Dentures 2. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over 1 And of course Kick the Bucket.

   Trying to write a country song. What rhymes with, My dog drank all my beer and my wife left me?

   Why are Gay people so sensitive? If you can take a d*ck, surely you can take a joke..

   Sometimes Karma does not even want to get involved, it just wants to sit and watch because it knows, sooner or later, they are bound to screw up all by themselves.

   I haven't been ignoring you. I've been prioritizing you.

   Don't underestimate me. That's my family's job.

   You always remember your first crush. Mine was Orange.

   People worth dating are nearly impossible to come by.

   If I dont respond after 3 texts, get the hint.

   Her make up make me wanna call her RACCOON.

   Men should always wear condoms because women carry diseases like emotions and pregnancy.

   "I'm laying by the pool. Better take a picture of my legs and post it on the internet." - Girls

   If you have to make airplane noises to put your d*ck in your Girlfriends mouth..She is TOO young!

   People always say to me "Oh your a Male Nurse". My professions the ONLY one with a need to identify gender. Ya never hear "A Male Mailman handles my Mail". How would a Cop react if after pulling you over said smiling "Ooooh a MALE policeman!"