Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sexist jokes are wrong and people need to stop post...... Sorry, that was my girlfriend, I left my laptop in the kitchen again.

   Did you guys ever get the idea while growing up that your parents never really listened to you? One time I asked my mom if I could go outside and watch the solar eclipse and she goes, "Okay, but don't get too close."

   England have become the number one cricketing team in the world. We sure showed those 8 other teams.

   My girlfriend called me sad because I always plan things months in advance. That's her off my Christmas card list!

   It makes no sense to commit yourself in a relationship if you still expect to have single people's privileges.

   When are Korn and Hole going to tour together?

   Don't get mad when I don't do what you would have done, your rules don't apply to everyone else.

   Please don't try my patience. I already tried it and it doesn't work.

   I believe what politicians say as much as I believe the person who says, "I never got that text."

   Okay you fly-by-sunday christians, you can go back to sinning now that sunday is over.

   Last night my neighbors kept me up with the headboard banging. I finally yelled "The guy last night made her scream louder!" That shut em up!

   Instead of Red Eye Reduction on camera's why can't they make one with double chin reduction? You can put a man on the moon, but....sheesh.

   Everything funny has already been said. The End.

   you've seen the cover of my book but you havent read my story

   it wrong to be this excited about Paranormal Activity 3 coming out in October? Well if it is, then I don't want to be right

   have you ever drank a milkshake so fast that your brain tells you to kill Ed Asner?... uh yeah, me neither

   Are they selling Tapout shirts by the pound now? That, or all these chubby kids in the mall actually ARE cage fighters...

   Anything unrelated to elephants is irrELEPHANT

   why are most king-size comforters so ugly? My bed is not an obese woman in need of a flowered, polyester muumuu.

   I'm at the Dentist. He looks in my mouth and says, "Holy smoke! That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen! That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen!" I said, "I heard you the first time, Doc, sheesh." He goes, "That was an echo."