Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hoarder is such a bad word.... I Prefer the term "Clutter Junkie"

   Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

   Do emo kids not get enough Happy Meals as a kid?

   My neighbour talks to his dog like it's his child. I heard him while taking my cat's pyjamas off the clothes line.

   "Please, consider giving your time to help those in need." ...Ok, done. Wow, what a bunch of whiners, that was so easy. NEXT PROBLEM.

   to those actresses who say they won't do nudity if it isn't important to the plot, they should do porn... there nudity IS the plot!

   if you're ever attacked by a bunch of clowns... Go for the Juggler!!!

   im against picketing, but I dont know how to show it

   I saw a sign in the hospital today, it read "For Family Planning - Please Use Rear Entrance". What good advice!!

   I always polish off a box of Oreos at the Dentists' office right before a cleaning. My last bill was, $2400.00.

   Every time someone wishes me "Sweet Dreams", I wake up with high blood sugar.

   she txtd me "im outside" so I txtd her back "Im inside looking at my phone saying that didnt sound like the doorbell" lol

   Have you ever noticed that when you go abroad on holiday, on the first day you're like a fish out of water, but by the time the last day arrives, you're walking around like you own the Hotel!

   suddenly the song anarchy in the uk makes sense

   Being single just means you haven't met anyone good enough for you yet!

   Yo momma so fat, your family tree leans on one side!

   In my lifetime I have learnt that women, who appear quiet, shy and innocent looking in public are actually the biggest freaks behind closed doors.

   GUY: give me 3 packs of condoms please. CASHIER: do you need a paper bag with that sir? Guy: nah she is not that ugly.

   The problem with you young and dumb fellas is that you treating the females you loving with the same kind of respect that you treat the ones that you are just screwing.

   Never choose someone who suffers from constipation to be your "In case of emergency" contact, because they don't even answer when nature calls and they won't give a s****