Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm shallow, insecure, narcissistic, schizophrenic, neurotic, sociopathic, and egocentric. I also have a few bad traits.

   People who are, "Just sayin'" should try, "Just shutting the f**k up."

   Whenever I see sad and moody people, I just assume they are not getting the good sex at home, so they taking it out on the world.

   Dear London Rioters: There is a big damn difference between, rioting for Freedom, and rioting for Free Stuff.

   If you can't face the problem, then the problem must be your face.

   You know you're old when 'Getting Lucky' now means that you got the last package of Depends© left on the store shelf.

   I feel like someone is stalking me... Wait, it's just my shadow.

   just sayin....just sayin...just sayin....just sayin...there ya go cry baby...go whine somewhere else...just sayin...just sayin....just sayin...

   I told you officer, I cut the ass out of the gorilla suit because they don't sell baboon costumes....I don't know who crapped on your car.

   Why does Ninja Turtle pizza look like it taste better than my pizza?

   Iowa state fair is selling a fried stick of butter. Glad to see you guys are still pro life.

   Busta Rhymes read all the Harry Potter books to me in about 3 minutes 47 seconds.

   If ur so damn concerned about animal testing then why dont you lobby to allow voluntary human testing in the U.S. AND THEN go volunteer. People who give $ to help animals but leave children & other humans 2 suffer piss me off.

   She's not a slut, she's just been on more wieners than Heinz ketchup

   Fun thing to do to a jogger: Slam on brakes, come to a screeching halt beside him and scream out the window, "Turn around!!!!!!, for God's sake turn around!!!!!!, they are coming this way fast." Then speed away.

   if your blonde and attractive... stay away from Aruba

   Insteading of buying a big, hi-definition TV I got new glasses instead. Now the picture is sharper and more lifelike and I saved thousands of dollars!

   if the grass seems greener on the other side, it just means someone is using better manure

   Going to Walmart because Target requires a shower.

   There is NO WAY that Bert and Ernie are gay. They haven't changed their outfits in 25 years.