Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Flexible people are lucky, when they feel a lack of praise, they can bend over and kiss their own asses :P

   'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton

   based on your status updates I've come to the conclusion that you enjoy being miserable and I have no sympathy for you.

   Just because your a great grand-mother does not give you the right to wear "Juicy" on the seat of your pants...

   Ghetto Word of the Day: Decide “My boy fronting like he love his girl, but errbody know he got a couple of chicks on decide”.

   When a package says "Easy open" I end up using a knife, scissors, hammer, gun and a lightsaber.

   Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy. But rain on a woman wearing a white T-shirt and no bra makes me VERY happy!

   There's nothing wrong with being short. You may be the last to know when it rains but you're the first to know when there is a flood.

   I sometimes feel alone and insignificant, especially when people turn out the lights while I'm still in the bathroom

   I bought a new roll of Bounty paper towels and misplaced them. Does that make me a bounty hunter now?

   When a woman compliments me on my looks, I assume she's ovulating or something.

   LIKE if your parents ask you to do something and you tell them you'll do it in ten minutes then you never do it.

   If my bosses don't come through soon with an iPhone, iPod, iTouch, and iPad to elevate my job-based technology access, then I'll be giving them a spanking new iQuit.

   ever notice they can gossip for 2 mins on the radio about the kardashians, but they only have 10 secs for the weather or traffic??

   At some point I'm gonna have to start foingto the gym or do crystal meth. Just Sayin

   My daughter lost her first tooth today. :) That will teach that witch not to talk back! >:(

   The song London Bridge Is Falling Down now makes sense!!

   Hey have you ever been to london,,,,,its a fU%&king RIOT..!!!

   You're so ugly Hello Kitty said goodbye to you

   My husband wished me a happy first day this morning (the first day for the next 25 years of marriage). I suggested we go for 50 to torment the children.