Funny Status Messages

   The best love is the one that makes you a better person, without changing you into someone other than yourself.

   I have no idea how I got 80% of my stuff.

   Life doesn't come with instructions, so why live as if it also comes with rules?

   The only thing worse than the truth are the lies that are told to cover it up.

   MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: A passenger side drive-thru window for their complicated orders.

   67.By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.

   Our generation doesn't knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we're outside.

   There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

   To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends.

   Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

   I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

   it just me or does Justin Bieber's new haircut make him look like Marcy Darcy from "Married With Children"?

   If I place a call that is being recorded for quality assurance and training purposes, I make sure to say mother%#&@er alot.

   Its apparently rude to make "whoosh" sounds when an asian person hands you something. You would think they would appreciate the ninja sound effects.

   If you see a dude at the park with a case of beer, making homeless people dance for a can, come over and shake my hand.

   Ziplock: making a fortune off potheads since 1980

   Your boyfriend is such a playa, when he sends you a text message on your phone it goes to the ''games'' folder.

   I just went through the "10 items or less" line with 12 items...THUG LIFE

   msg me if your up for cleaning my apartment. I pay in Oreo's btw.. :D (can't guarantee the cream wont be licked off)

   He's actually dyslexic. He is trying to say 'His Pen is so big'