Funny Status Messages

   need one more Red Light so I can get through this level of Angry Birds.

   I know a lot of people that remind me of clouds. Mainly because as soon as they disappear my day is brighter.

   Need relationship advice? Use Baby Philosophy: If it stinks, change it.

   It takes many nails to build crib, but only one screw to fill it.

   I'll take Gary Busey & his nonsensical ramblings over Charlie Sheen & his b.s. any day.

   the more guys I meet, the more I love my dog :)

   ‎"Girl, you must have farted, cuz you blew me away"--Using this pick up line as soon as the opportunity presents it self lmfao

   I walked by a tanning salon yesterday and at the door was a black dude handing out flyers and he wore a big card that read *I GOT MY TANNING HERE!!!*

   Maybe it's Maybelline... Maybe it's Photoshop.

   hates people who use facebook to exhibit depression and their general hate for the world...this is not therapy ppl. I dont give a f***

   the best way to get out of a text conversation: "The message could not be delivered. Please try again later. Error 226110."

   I just read Snooki from "Jersey Shore" hates her nickname, and wants to go back to using her real name: Bilbo Baggins

   attention: Helen Waite is now in charge of my schedule. if you need me to do anything just go to Helen Waite.

   the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil..

   Saw my Sri Lankan friends slurping tea out of a saucer this morning. When I asked why, they said because the Indians took the cup :D

   Travel Tip: Don't fly on Southwest, unless you like your airplanes with sunroofs........

   Obama re-election: Beyond 'Hope' and 'Change' ... Now its 'Poverty and Debt'........

   A Jehovah witness came to the door and said can I come in to the chat. So we sat down and I said what do you want to talk about to which he replied beat the heck out of me I have never gotten this far

   Boyfriend for sale... comes with remote.

   If the government would charge a 3% stupidity tax, they could pay off the national debt in no time..