Funny Status Messages

   Happy and in a good place this morning. Now... If only I could remember how the hell I got here!!!

   MSNBC is reporting that iguanas and other lizards near Japan are showing signs of radioactive saliva during normal excretion. I told you Godzilla was coming didn't I!?

   Punxutawney Phil came back out today and wrote a message in the snow. It said, "April Fools!!" Looks like Ground Hog season is starting early this year.. Lock and load!

   Im not sure if its your bday or not so I'll give you a HAPPY and maybe send the BIRTHDAY later

   It's not how many woman you know, but how well you know woman

   Either Mother Nature had one of the best pranks in history for April Fools by saying that we were getting 7 inches of snow today or our weather men are just plain retarded! Either way....well played!

   I'm saving my April fools joke for tomorrow. No one will see them coming...... ; )

   I've been calling this random number asking for John all day with diffrent voices.. When I get home I'm going to call him back and say "this is John, do I have any messages"..

   If they gave out awards for laziness, I would send somebody to accept it for me.

   The voices in my head got mad and stopped speaking to me...now I'm bored

   The battle between the giant soft drink manufacturers is over: Pepsi One® Coke Zero®

   Anyone who thinks Fool's Day comes just once a year, doesn't work where I work!

   listening to Obama's "good news about the economy" speech was the best April fool's prank yet...

   I'm ecstatic about this radioactive wind, this is my closest chance to get those superpowers I always wanted. Thanks japan!

   when girls get there period,they should change there relationship status to"Out of Order"

   Neighbor not a radioactive zombie. Btw, completely unrelated, but any ideas for an "I'm sorry" gift for someone in hospital.......

   I heard they found the deadly Egyptian cobra that was missing from the Bronx Zoo.....It was in Lindsay Lohan's purse!

   I've been voted Most Likely.

   Guns don't kill people , My cousin does!!!

   After a long first game the Cubs seem to have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention, Congrats to Ryan Dumpster, 6 runs in 6 innings not a bad start..