Funny Status Messages

   Today's Motto: You can't drink all day unless you start in the morning! Bottoms up, America.

   I think self checkout was invented by a guy who had to buy tampons

   Listening to Obama is like experiencing Deja Moo. You feel as if you've heard this bull before.

   in heat. Blame spring and short skirts... time to spray and pray.

   Snooki hates the nickname "Snooki" and wants to go back to using her real name, "Dwayne Johnson"

   noticed the Weather Channel has a new show hosted by a dude named Peter Lik....How old do you have to be for that NOT to be funny because I evidently haven't reached it yet.

   Heard that Snooki hates the nickname "Snooki" and wants to go back to using her real name, "Danny Devitto".

   I onced climaxed to the sound of my own voice. It was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.

   CAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL

   I asked my mum what she wants for Mother's Day..... She said, all I want is a bit of caring and looking after.....So I put her in a nursing home

   After all the complaints, Facebook finally decided to make a "dislike" button. April fools. We're still stuck with only the "like" button.

   Dude next to me at the urinal yesterday definitely had sugar smacks for breakfast! Dam you sense of smell!

   rain rain go away, thats what all my haters say

   I poured milk on my Cheerios this morning and they turned into Fruit Loops......But hey, there is no need for concern : )

   The ultimate feeling of opening a jar that everyone else struggled with......Ohhh Yeeaaaa!!

   Punxutawney Phil came back out today and wrote a message in the snow. It said, "April Fools!!"

   I sell balloons for 10p each or if you want them blown up it's 15p. I've adjusted the price to cover inflation.

   To get up in the morning only to know that you will have to face another obstacle takes strength.To act happy and laugh when you know that times are at their worst takes courage. Personaly, I do drugs instead.

   telling your girlfriend you have the herp is not a good april fools joke. Now I'm single

   Just got pulled over for going 73mph in a 55mph. After the 20 min lecture the Officer said he was giving me a warning as he handed me a slip to sign... I looked at him puzzled so he says "April Fools!"...jerk