Funny Status Messages

   3/17/2011 - 3/20/11 RIP - My NCAA Tournament Bracket

   There is nothing is more awkward than driving through a 'One Way' street without knowing it and you meet up with another car face to face, then have to drive half a mile in reverse.

   Boba Fett was an embarrassment to us all- Dog the Bounty Hunter

   : Every day should be 'HUMP DAY'.... but not the Wednesday kind.

   Scooby and the gang always solve mysteries in 30 minutes or less. I think I'll hire them to help me with the whole women thing. Plus Daphne is hot.

   I would much rather regret something I did, then something I was too afraid to do...

   Man I think it is BS that certain nations have our back in war-time situations but won't help with our search for Bigfoot

   Goodnight I need to go to sleep early to be late for school tomorrow

   ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

   There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

   Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing. Knock, Knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore.

   Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

   What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

   On this blessing occasion of mother's day I'd like to thank all the sri lankis and philippinos and other maids who are raising the precious lebanese children and wish them a happy mother's day

   Every time you lie to your kid and tell them that some dumb thing they did is "great"... you're potentially creating the next Ke$ha.

   The definition of irony: Not knowing the difference between a definition and an example.

   You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield, it said parking fine

   Marriage is like a late night phone call. You get a ring and then you wake up.

   Party like a rockstar is no longer acceptable. You party like Charlie Sheen, or you don't party at all !

   greatest pickup line ever: "Some of my friends were talking about some video game and I don't want to sound like a loser in front of them.. so what's Black Ops?"