Funny Status Messages

   Just got a new puppy! I named him Go away, poor little guy is going to be so confused everytime I call him.

   ...can't believe how less sophisticated and superstitious the people of Egypt seem like on tv. I mean it's ridiculous!! Hey, did anyone see whether the ground hog saw his shadow today??....

   The Steelers have enough Rings to become a Planet!!!

   you know your a Packer Fan when the bluebook value of your truck goes up and

   You know your a Packer fan when you consider your season a success by beating the 'Bears' and not by rings on your fingers

   In case you havn't been outside or looked at any of your 376 other friends status's... I'm stating the obvious, it's cold.

   Dear Tostitos, make your dip jars shorter and wider so your chips can actually fit inside them. Thanks

   Why is it so hard to find information without paying for it? but I can google Kevin Bacon, Justin Bieber and that OctoMom for free?!? AH

   Stop takin pics with yo Income TAX/Grant Money from school. You Broke

   Due to inclimte weather, all shenanigans are cancelled until further notice

   Does Steven Tyler remind you a Jack Sparrow or am I crazy?

   Dear Employer, I have worked insane amounts of hours for you; shed blood; even went through a divorce because of you. Is it too much to ask for some decent toilet paper up in here?

   Quite certain that my cat, as he lies here “purring” beside me, is plotting ways to kill me in my sleep. Or at least a clever plot that will ultimately end up in me finding a turd in my shoe in the morning.

   no wonder gangsters pants hang so low there so full of sh*t

   I had a fight with my shoelaces this morning. It ended up in a tie.

   Sometimes I like to masturbate big words into my sentences, even if I don't know what they mean..

   I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

   As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.

   I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me - I'm going to smile.!

   At the risk of being unfollowed, I expelled enough gas at Starbucks today to fill a Trenta.