Funny Status Messages

   The Green Gay Fudge Packers are going down on Sunday!

   how do you stop a RAVENS fan from masterbating? Paint it BLACK and GOLD he will never beat it again!

   has a hangover so bad that the only thing keeping him alive is the hope that he'll drop dead

   I just noticed that I walked around all morning with a ball point pen in my shirt pocket WITHOUT the cap on...think I finally earned the right for my 'Thug Life' tattoo...

   LIFE IS SHORT... PLAY NAKED

   Bringing a date to a wedding is like taking a deer carcass on a hunting trip

   Because we're all so offensive and opinionated, anything about politics, religion, race, current events, and alcohol will always get the most votes and comments.

   On this day thirty years ago.. Mtv still played music videos.

   Anyone remember when MTV was "white"?

   3 main causes of war: Greed, Racism, Religion. I'll stay away from each.

   So, you say it was a long day huh? Well I bet it was 24 hrs long just like everybody elses!

   I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

   Pabst got its blue ribbon in 1893 for being voted best beer. Further proving that life in 1893 sucked pretty damn hard.

   I hate when I fall into the trap of acting like I know something and then get asked follow-up questions.

   just cause they make size 16 daisy dukes, doesn't mean you should wear size 16 daisy dukes.

   Impossible is just a fancy way of saying, "No on else has figured out a way to do this yet."

   The cops will just throw you in the back of the squad car like they didn't even hear you call shotgun.

   Going to the mall today to sit on Cupid's lap and tell him who I want for Valentine's day.

   Don't make the same typo I did in a text to my girlfriend: "Having a great time wish you were her."

   Oh please tell me you are NOT crying because I took the wrapper off your juice box straw!