Funny Status Messages

   With all the 300+ horsepower cars they have these days with the expensive 16, 17 and 18 inch tires a 50 dollar burnout isn't very long. But it's not like you have to pay for it right now. Light um up!

   making an army of snowmen to defend my snowfort from the likes of you.

   This is pure snow! Do you know what the street value of this mountain is?!

   I have two Italian grandmothers..I am impervious to guilt.

   Someone just told me that Obama has a concrete plan to solve all economic problems. Would you like to go iceskating? Because I'm pretty sure Hell just froze over...

   Apparently it is frowned upon to walk into a bank yelling “It's my Money and I want it now!” Thanks a lot J.G Wentworth

   you might be a redneck if You can spit without opening your mouth.

   ladies only naked K-Y Twister tournament at my place tonight at 9pm.

   You give that porn actress an award?, she sucks! Nevermind....

   The difference between a grizzly and a brown bear? Climb a tree. If the bear climbs after you, its a brown bear. If it knocks the tree down, its a grizzly.

   the perfect body.......would someone please help me get it out of my trunk though, it's really starting to smell.

   My car keys are kicking my ass at hide and seek.

   I'm pretty damn sure that Starbucks has no idea we're in a recession.

   My eighty year old neighbor neither agreed with or could conceive the foreign idea of the “I before E” rule isn't that weird .

   I got an iPod for Christmas, gave my son an iPad, gave my gf an iRon

   My girlfriend just said she was leaving me because of my gross habits and childlike behavor.It shocked me so much that I almost choked on my toenail, which would have surely given up my position in the hide-and-go-seek game I was in with my imaginary frnd

   wondering if you can do me a favor? Tell me if this rag smells like chloroform.

   the next time I get pulled over, and the cop asks .. "do you know why I pulled you over" I'm going to respond with "y did you already ferget?"

   everybody is entitled to their opinion no matter how wrong they may be.

   Ke$ha, Why dont you clean your face before you make a ''music'' video?