Funny Status Messages

   you can easily geta smartphone these days but hard to find smart people.

   I wish I was more mature in high school to understand all those passes made by girls.

   Screw your Four Loko... I've got a Dayquil with a 5hour energy and Grande Latte chaser with my name on it!... If you dont believe me, just ask my pet Unicorn

   Me + Nyquil = <3

   can't wait to see the drunk version of me on camera

   An optamist can easily be let down, but a pessamist will never be dissapointed.

   Can you go out with me? ❒ Yes ❒Maybe ✔No

   Well someone has to be sober.......NOT IT!

   Anything is possible with the right attitude and sledgehammer.

   I just saw a commercial where every line at Walmart was staffed with a cashier. It's amazing what fantasy you can create on television!

   Up against my facebook wall and spread em!

   There comes a time in life when all you can do is just slap the b*tch!

   I'm not feeling myself today....perhaps I should feel somebody else.

   When you are feeling down because everyone is against you just remember that....Nationwide is on your side.

   Due to the amount of spam by a high number of people playing this number game, I will now block/hide every person from my newsfeed who is doing this.. You have killed our newsfeed with personal msgs and spam. This is not twitter, so please stop

   My thermostats are revealing just how cold it is today ~ Note to self: Get a thicker bra...

   going to triple dog dare someone to lick a flagpole this winter.

   Ever been in such a hurry you try getting out of your car with your seatbelt still on? It wasn't just me right?

   just wants to be someones "Dirty little secret!"

   When a cop asks you, "Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"