Funny Status Messages

   I'd like to thank meth addicts for making buying allergy and cold medicine and ginat pain in the a$%

   I'd also like to learn how to spell GIANT one of these days

   Why don't you unbutton that blouse and let me get to know ya?

   To be TOGETHER, you need TO-GET-HER

   I broke wind in front of an elderly customer today. She didn't think it was funny as I did.

   trying to get in the Christmas spirit, but I can't get the damn bottle opened.

   New TSA slogan: "It's not a grope....It's a freedom pat"

   World Cup in Qatar? Does that mean 2024 Summer Olympics in Baghdad or Kabul?

   Honk, if you want to see my finger!

   Wait, Miley Cyrus has been 18 for only a week, and there's already naked pictures of her? Somebody might be beating Lindsay to porn.

   I hate when people tell you their life story against your will. I think it's a form of low level rape.

   Not sure why my bill collector keep trippin and askin for their money...I mean as long as I owe yall money you will alwayz have a job...Hell you should be callin to thank me cuz I'm your job security....

   What do you call a bra in Russian? Stoppenzefloppin

   So I guess changing my profile picture to Herbert from Family Guy wouldn't be appropriate this week.

   suffering from Dyslexia : Putting the cool in shcool.

   just kicked out of the local paintball fight and the police were called.....Apparently knifing somebody to save ammo is not allowed.

   doesn't consider them as one night stands, they're auditions.

   my driving instructor told me, NEVER brake if there's an animal in the road....You should have seen the look on the copper's face as I knocked him off his horse.

   going to order a load of bubble wrap just to see what it's delivered in.

   Just had a train run over his feet, probably his own fault for wearing platforms.