Funny Status Messages

   French couple claims to have found 271 unknown Picassos. Suspiciously, one of them is "Still Life with McRib."

   my New Year's Resolution is to travel back in time and stop Jersey Shore from EVER being made.

   I almost got to go skiing....but my husband got mad when he saw me spraying WD-40 on the bottom of his skis...

   wants to go back in time and give the person just about to invent the "high five" a high five, then sit back and watch the universe implode

   I prefer to learn from someone elses mistakes.

   ‎"Every Kiss Begins with K" and "Every Divorce Begins with D Bit@h"

   The weather is such a slut, when its hot out it makes everyone take there cloths off, the wind is always blowing people, the rain make everybody wet, and the snow covers everybody in white stuff.

   Please stop telling me how poor you are via Facebook for iPhone.... really?

   RIP Leslie Nielsen. Shirley, he will be missed.

   Studies show that excessive poking can make you go blind.

   born with no eyelids. Doctor used some of the extra foreskin from my circumcision to make some. He said I would be fine, just a little cock-eyed.

   If your stepbrother is gay does that make him your half sister ?

   Sarah Palin has a new reality TV show. Now all she has to do is enter reality.

   found a short cut for this years Marathon

   I'm almost positive that Mariah Carey will give birth to a stuffed animal.

   I won a trip to China now am stuck here waiting to win a trip back home

   Dad, you are like a father to me.

   Do you know why they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.

   I can hardly stand the wait, please christmas don't be late!!

   succesfully finished his rubiks cube, waiting for the paint to dry now