Funny Status Messages

   "Nice Beaver." Simple, yet effective. RIP Leslie Nielsen. Your classic comedy movies will continue to make us laugh.

   alright ladies...time to put down the booze n get busy on theses dishes...

   MONDAY: Mentally Overworked, Nauseated, Dysfunctional And Yucky

   Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

   I don't know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.

   Life is less like a box of chocolate and more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

   If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?

   It's not easy being humble when you're flawless.

   Two Beer or not Two beer. William ShakesBEER

   WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

   Dear Lord, Please give us back Leslie Neilson and will let you have Justin Beiber, Richard Simmons, or Snooki......your pick

   I wore a leather jacket and a lady said a cow was murdered for that... I said so you were a witness now I have to kill you too.

   If you can't laugh at yourself... I will gladly do it for you.

   ...When she walked away her ass looked like 2 midgets fighting under a blanket.

   I am not afraid of heights... I am afraid of widths.

   I guess as long as all participants are over 18, I'm okay with Cyber Monday...

   Just when you think you have buried the past, They find another Body...

   I am definitely spending too much time on this here internet thing. Today some rude dude bumped into me and I said to him out loud, "Double-you Tee Eff?!"

   You know when you need a vacation when you start pretending the shower head is a waterfall!! ; /

   Go to Google Translate and translate from German to German. Paste this into the box "pv zk pv pv zk pv zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpvpvzk kkkkk bsch" Click Listen!