Funny Status Messages

   I don't always drink beer but when I do, I play good beer pong

   Marriage is a three ring circus: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and then there's the suffering

   I will accept this award for Shikira tonight because she was busted by the TSA for trying to smuggle her own ass into the country

   Dear Kanye, Roses are Red, Voilets are Blue, If Justin Bieber wins an AMA, you know what to do!

   A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush...heheheehe...I said bush:)

   If I was an MMA fighter and had cauliflower ear, I'd seriously consider cutting my ears off.

   Eggnog....I get the egg part but, what the hell is "nog"

   If Juston Beiber is the AMA Artist of the year then I am the next Victoria Secret cover model.

   Upstairs when I hear from my mom:"what is Tbagging?" all I could do is laugh then explain to her what it was. Now she won't let me go out on the weekends. :/

   Dear Curiosity, just put the gun down and lets talk this out.~ Sincerely, The Cat.

   Are the people that leave their Christmas lights on the house and just turn them on in December smart or just plain lazy??

   A fool proof way to find out if a girl likes ya... ring her up at 3am whilst she's asleep. If she texts you the day after and she includes LOL twice.... you've pulled.

   Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway??

   Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he cant wait to stick his head out the window into the wind??

   believes it's time to celebrate nipples. Without them, boobies would be pointless!

   brought my date a footlong sub thinking it would score me major points, but apparently I went to the wrong jared . . .

   Monday Meeting Autopilot: Shake hands...Good to see you...Squint at pie charts...Nod head...Fake chuckle at the jokes...Suppress yawn...Thank you...and Clap when the 3 hour anguish ends...

   heard on the news that Justin Bieber won like 2 million awards last night but he's only sold 4 CDs. wtf?

   General Motors is poised to become “the success story” of the recession. GM said it wants to thank those who made its recovery possible: Toyota's brakes, Toyota's steering, and Toyota's accelerators!

   If someone showed me Black Eye Peas AMA performance back in 1990 and said this is what music is going to look like in 20 years I think I would of barfed.