Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon I'm currently writing a folk song about bland pudding, it's called "That's Pudding it Mildly"
←Rate | 09-18-2021 17:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm never eating a edible again. I watched an entire movie on mute and started crying because I thought I was deaf.
←Rate | 09-18-2021 13:50 by Matt Comments (0)  

   messageicon So let me get this straight -- they left the porridge on the table and went for a walk, and the 3 bowls cooled down at different rates?
←Rate | 09-18-2021 08:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I'm in a restaurant and the waitperson says they are short-staffed I tell them "Well then you need to hire taller staff."
←Rate | 09-18-2021 08:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "How much do you spend on wine?" Me: about 30 minutes
←Rate | 09-17-2021 08:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so dumb, when the bartender said "drinks on the house," I got a ladder.
←Rate | 09-16-2021 15:24 by Ef-Az-Zzee Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I was told when I was a kid that in the future, the press would glorify a drug addled jigaboo repeat offending felon who resisted arrest and would ignore 13 servicemen who died, I wouldn't have believed it. Yet here we are.
←Rate | 09-16-2021 13:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it that Every time I use a plunger, it feels like I am giving my toilet CPR?
←Rate | 09-16-2021 10:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon CDC ~ Center to deceive and control.
←Rate | 09-16-2021 02:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let go of my ears, I know what I’m doing.
←Rate | 09-15-2021 01:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I try to live my life everyday as if it were my last. And who wants to do laundry on their last day? Not me…
←Rate | 09-14-2021 15:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 14:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A termite walks into a bar and asks where's the bar tender?
←Rate | 09-14-2021 08:49 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part about shopping at Trader Joes is that the cashier reacts to every item they scan like you came up with it and grew it yourself
←Rate | 09-14-2021 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nursing school doesn’t prepare you for the number of elderly patients who will casually confess to decades-old murders.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon a girl at starbucks complimented my lip gloss. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was grease from the rotisserie chicken I just ate in the parking lot.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 08:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where's Corn Pop?
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:48 Comments (0)  


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