Mark M Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon KFC is planning to bring back Colonel Sanders. Because if there's one thing that will bring Americans together today, it's an old guy dressed like a plantation owner....
←Rate | 05-20-2015 16:16 by Mark M Comments (2)  

   messageicon The Grateful Dead are putting out an 80-disc live performance box set. No word yet on which Grateful Dead song it will be....
←Rate | 06-03-2015 20:48 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Donald Sterling's girlfriend said she's “going to be president of the United States” one day. Yeah, like we’re going to elect someone who secretly records people’s private phone calls and conversations.
←Rate | 05-02-2014 16:16 by Mark M Comments (1)  

   messageicon Scientists have created a mutant version of the deadly 1918 Spanish flu virus in an effort to better understand how pandemics start. I'm not a scientist, but this is how pandemics start.
←Rate | 06-13-2014 15:04 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon So excited for the Apple Watch. For centuries, we’ve checked the time by looking at our phones. Having it on your wrist? Genius.
←Rate | 09-09-2014 15:16 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.
←Rate | 04-09-2014 08:51 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon There’s another hacking scandal. Home Depot is now investigating the hack of its customers' credit card information. They would have targeted Home Depot employees too, but the hackers couldn't find any.
←Rate | 09-04-2014 13:42 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lindsay Lohan was recently diagnosed with a rare mosquito-transmitted disease called Chikungunya. And the mosquito was diagnosed with alcohol poisoning...
←Rate | 01-07-2015 21:28 by Mark M Comments (1)  

   messageicon Analysts say Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.
←Rate | 11-21-2014 14:13 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I'll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.
←Rate | 07-09-2014 14:31 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik's Cube. If you kids don't know what a Rubik's Cube is, it's what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones.
←Rate | 05-21-2014 16:00 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new rumor has surfaced that the next iPhone will feature an all-glass exterior. Because why should just the front be cracked?
←Rate | 07-09-2014 14:35 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon President Obama said the small drone that flew over the White House fence yesterday could be bought at any RadioShack. After hearing this, the RadioShack CEO said, "I'm shocked to find out we still sell something people want."
←Rate | 01-28-2015 12:32 by Mark M Comments (1)  

   messageicon A new study has found that watching Fox News can make you more conservative and watching MSNBC can make you more liberal. And watching CNN can make you think that no plane has ever safely reached its destination.
←Rate | 01-07-2015 21:19 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced today that he is checking into rehab. He said he entered rehab this week to deal with the problem swiftly — and also because Monday is Cinco de Mayo, and he ain’t missing that.
←Rate | 05-02-2014 16:17 by Mark M Comments (2)  

   messageicon Due to extreme weather in upstate New York, some drivers were stranded in their cars for up to 36 hours. It was intense. Some of them reported hearing that new Taylor Swift song on the radio as many as 100 times....
←Rate | 11-21-2014 14:16 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep.
←Rate | 04-11-2014 14:26 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to a new report that just came out, the average college freshman reads at a seventh grade level. Or if you're an optimist every seventh grader now reads at a college freshman level.
←Rate | 01-08-2015 21:31 by Mark M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The new “Godzilla” movie opened worldwide yesterday. They say New York City could survive a Godzilla attack. Seriously? It takes five cops to handle Alec Baldwin when he's riding his bike the wrong way
←Rate | 05-16-2014 15:51 by Mark M Comments (1)  

   messageicon California officials want to contain a measles outbreak that originated in Disneyland last month. They are in luck because everyone who is exposed to it is still in line at Space Mountain.
←Rate | 01-23-2015 19:26 by Mark M Comments (0)  

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