Doc Noland Funny Status Messages
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I've always had this fantasy to make love to two women......... Like, in the same year
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I'm an okay dancer until I whip out the finger guns, then I'm just majestic.
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Nothing worse than meeting the right person at the wrong time in your life.
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Alcohol-The best night time:slurring,headache,dehydration,drink spilling, charm killing,so you think you can dance"medicine."
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Hard to believe I once had a phone ATTACHED TO A WALL. When it rang I'd pick it up WITHOUT KNOWING WHO WAS CALLING. Amazing I'm still alive.
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Kim Kardashian wants her bachelorette party to be low key, just an E! camera crew and 100 black dudes dragging their sacks across her face.
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It's nice finding people from our past. I'm still trying to find the girl from elementary school that couldn't stop sucking her thumb.
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If you've spent more than ten seconds fondling and sniffing a fruit or vegetable you need to buy it otherwise it's disrespectful
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My bed always shows signs of struggle in the morning.
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A giant spider just attacked the back of my neck and then quickly morphed back into my t-shirt tag!
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I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German..
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Personally, I think failure should be an option
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My dream job would have two desks — one for work and one for flipping over in blind rages.
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Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
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whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks..I'm in public
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I look at people sometimes and think..for real? That's the sperm that won?
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Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
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The woman in front of me in the checkout line wrote an actual check. I assume she then boarded her carriage and returned to her plantation.
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Okla. killer dies after botched execution. How long did it take his victim to die after being shot and buried alive?
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I have been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions
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