@uxbridgeguy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon "I thought I was swerving to avoid hitting a baby deer today, but it turned out to be a smart car with those stupid antlers on it!"
←Rate | 12-03-2014 03:39 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
←Rate | 08-19-2014 05:29 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.
←Rate | 09-16-2014 10:13 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
←Rate | 09-16-2014 10:15 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to my nipples, summer is over
←Rate | 10-08-2014 14:05 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (2)  

   messageicon Never, ever ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
←Rate | 10-27-2014 13:57 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
←Rate | 09-08-2013 02:13 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail.
←Rate | 09-11-2014 11:03 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wanted a friend with benefits not a friend on benefits.......
←Rate | 08-21-2013 10:42 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I'd of sent a bloody letter
←Rate | 07-23-2014 13:42 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some days you’re the Titanic, some days you’re the iceberg, and some days you’re the guy who jumped off and hit the propeller on the way down.
←Rate | 08-03-2014 19:10 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
←Rate | 10-19-2014 04:14 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?
←Rate | 08-16-2013 04:38 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't see the point in calling this phone a iPhone anymore, it' spends that much time on charge it may as well be called a landline!!!
←Rate | 10-08-2014 02:40 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I hear someone complain that their towns are boring with nothing to do, all I hear is a boring person who doesn't know how to have fun.
←Rate | 08-10-2014 17:56 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
←Rate | 10-21-2014 09:39 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know you're getting old when everything either dries up or leaks
←Rate | 08-06-2014 13:17 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
←Rate | 10-24-2015 01:27 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon You said you didn't want to text your ex, Tequila determined that was a lie
←Rate | 09-13-2014 05:41 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes you have to take a deep breath & remind yourself that you wouldn’t look cute in prison clothes & smile at the jerk & walk away.
←Rate | 08-10-2014 17:57 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

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