@dj_soltrix Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon In a perfect world, we would get paid by the amount of hours we sleep; and a bonus check for every time we have sex.
←Rate | 10-24-2011 21:03 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon MILFs nowadays are 16 years old.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 13:40 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
←Rate | 08-27-2011 13:42 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon People that drive below the speed limit are the same people that are never invited to parties.
←Rate | 11-15-2011 13:06 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I get a Christmas present that I don't want, I hold onto it and give it to someone else as their birthday gift.
←Rate | 12-19-2011 11:10 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever a woman says, "I'm going out tonight with the girls;" I like to think she's referring to her boobs.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 13:23 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon GUY IN MALL: "Would you like to improve your balance and try this balance bracelet?" ME: "No thank you. I have toes."
←Rate | 08-27-2011 13:46 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love how these photoshop models think they have "fans." Let's be realistic. Most of those people are not your fans, they just want to get you in bed.
←Rate | 01-11-2012 11:43 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most of the people in our generation are stupid because we had to grow up watching Elmo.
←Rate | 07-11-2011 13:26 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best way to watch the new Adam Sandler film 'Jack & Jill' is to rip it to DVD, let it play on your TV, and then set your house on fire.
←Rate | 11-30-2011 11:49 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever my girlfriend tells me to "be safe" everytime I walk out the door, that means that I need to carry condoms with me, right?
←Rate | 07-27-2011 11:03 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon How many years of college does it take to hold up one of those business signs on the side of the road again?
←Rate | 12-01-2011 11:01 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon Another way for a guy to confess his virginity to a woman is to tell her he follows Justin Bieber on Twitter.
←Rate | 11-17-2011 12:44 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon Saw a homeless woman with a sign that said, "Mother of two. Please help." So I gave her some condoms.
←Rate | 09-25-2011 20:34 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't understand why people reward others with "brownie points." I can't eat or buy anything with those. Just bake the f*cking brownies.
←Rate | 09-20-2011 20:04 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's better Casey Anthony is found not guilty. Let her try and survive amongst the public.
←Rate | 07-05-2011 14:43 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate when women don't have any pictures showing how her butt looks. How else am I going to know if I want to talk to you?
←Rate | 12-10-2011 12:49 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you call me and I don't answer, it's exactly what you think. I ignored your call.
←Rate | 12-20-2011 13:07 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone should make a TV game show called "Pregnant Or Not Pregnant?" and have contestants questioning fat girls for prizes.
←Rate | 11-13-2011 12:11 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went shopping today for belts, and I used them right away on all the screaming kids at the store.
←Rate | 11-28-2011 13:09 by @dj_soltrix Comments (0)  

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