@clarkysj Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I hated my first experience of skydiving. I jumped out of the plane with the other person next to me. Anyway about halfway down he said "So how long have you been an instructor?"
←Rate | 04-23-2011 13:48 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got sacked as a bingo caller tonight. Apparently "a meal for two with a terrible view" wasn't the best way to announce the number 69....
←Rate | 02-05-2012 14:00 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon A midget waddles into the library and asks, "Have you got a book on Irony?" The librarian says, "Yeah, mate, it's on the top shelf."
←Rate | 02-15-2011 09:34 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My doctor just told me I'm a compulsive liar. Then she gave me a blow job in her office.
←Rate | 02-29-2012 11:06 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was at school I belonged to a gang called The Secret Seven and we were sworn to secrecy. We were so good that I never found out who the other six were.
←Rate | 03-24-2011 05:18 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
←Rate | 08-09-2011 09:22 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon BBC News: Questions being asked why bomb detecting equipment didn't detect fake bomb on board plane which flew from London to Istanbul. Erm, because it wasn't a bomb?
←Rate | 03-30-2011 10:36 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep; if I die before I wake ... will someone please delete my internet browser history.
←Rate | 11-02-2010 05:02 by @clarkysj Comments (1)  

   messageicon It's claimed Macaulay Culkin's health problems are linked to a difficult childhood. No sh1t. His parents forgot to take him on holiday 4 times.
←Rate | 02-10-2012 15:13 by @clarkysj Comments (2)  

   messageicon The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst - So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
←Rate | 08-25-2011 17:43 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
←Rate | 08-19-2011 05:30 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I take a viagr@ tablet every night before I go to sleep... stops me from rolling out of bed!
←Rate | 09-15-2011 12:58 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon really thinks there should be an option on Facebook to 'like' someone's status but not be reminded every single time someone replies on it!
←Rate | 01-11-2011 12:40 by @clarkysj Comments (5)  

   messageicon I'm doing my bit to help kick-start the economy... I've started printing money too.
←Rate | 10-07-2011 09:24 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon The next time someone calls you from a withheld number just answer it and say, "hello London sperm bank. You squeeze it - we freeze it!" ... See what happens.
←Rate | 09-02-2010 09:34 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon At work today, my self-conscious colleague was getting paranoid about her weight, "I am so fat! Look at me, I am the definition of obesity!" she cried. I replied: "Don't be daft, come, grab two chairs and we'll talk about it."
←Rate | 01-06-2011 10:28 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I seriously can't stand it when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus.
←Rate | 05-08-2011 07:07 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dave needs to get more sheep in Farmville! ... Dave needs to get 6 more points to advance in Mafia Wars! ... Dave needs to get a f-kin life!
←Rate | 09-18-2010 09:54 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I haven't had sex for about 1 year, 4 months, 24 days and 56 minutes. It doesn't bother me though.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 12:58 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife is leaving me because I believe everything I read on the internet. Not worried though, there are some sexy Russian girls in my area.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 13:06 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

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