@beaubridwell Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My New Year's resolution is to lose just enough weight so that my gut doesn't jiggle while I brush my teeth...
←Rate | 01-08-2012 19:39 by @beaubridwell Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so old I remember when teens getting pregnant meant "PANIC!" not "Congratulations, you get your own MTV show!"
←Rate | 02-20-2012 21:47 by @beaubridwell Comments (0)  

   messageicon if I have to hear anymore about Twilight, I'm going to thrust a stake through my own heart...
←Rate | 11-17-2011 19:49 by @beaubridwell Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm gonna try setting up Occupy Wall Street signs at the local theater in hopes that police will arrest all the Twilight nuts camping out...
←Rate | 11-17-2011 20:12 by @beaubridwell Comments (0)  

   messageicon A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed
←Rate | 11-23-2011 22:03 by @beaubridwell Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I give them a big hug. I can only imagine how hard life must be for the visually impaired.
←Rate | 04-03-2012 20:50 by @beaubridwell Comments (0)  

   messageicon Call me crazy but I think Herman Cain could still win this thing if everyone he groped votes for him...
←Rate | 11-29-2011 18:04 by @beaubridwell Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don't have to like me, I'm not a Facebook status...
←Rate | 02-12-2012 22:17 by @beaubridwell Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
←Rate | 02-20-2012 20:14 by @beaubridwell Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm no terrorist, but I have blown up my underwear a time or two...
←Rate | 12-23-2011 18:02 by @beaubridwell Comments (0)  


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