the Legal Eagle Funny Status Messages
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...Justin Bieber is new spokesperson for Proactiv. No wonder he has his hair combed forward. His forehead must look like Courtney Love's ass.
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...Couple who said they had pix of John Stamos w/underage girl in hot tub were indicted for extortion. Turns out the "girl" was Justin Bieber!
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Jet Blue steward Steven Slater offered reality show to help people quit their jobs. I'm gonna bet it won't be the first pilot he's done!
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Montana Fishburne was a prostitue. Wow, a hooker AND a porn star! Or as Charlie Sheen would call her, “Perfect!”
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Chris Isaak may replace Simon on Idol. My vote is for Mel Gibson. How great will it be to hear him call a contestant a “c*nt, b*tch, wh*re?”
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Woman claims Brett Favre texted her penisshots. At first he said he wasn't gonna do it, then he did, then wasn't going to again, then did…
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...Wyclef Jean disqualified for Haitian Presidency. Hey, that's no fair! If we elected an unqualified black man, why can't they?
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Wyclef Jean to run for President of Haiti. That would be cool. Then he could totally start a band called The ReFugees.
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The Hoff's singing is huge in Germany. He should be proud. Germans have always been known 4 their sound judgment
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...Demi & Ashton tweet about doing master cleanse diet. Can't wait to see the pic of his 1st bowel movement taken w/the Nikon CoolPix camera... lol!
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Artist makes portrait of Rachael Ray using Cheetos. Unfortunately, a ravenous Oprah devoured the entire thing while visiting the set.
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...Kim Kardash begs fan NOT 2 get surgery 2 look like her. Kim's right. Someone in porn shoulda begged Heidi Montag not 2 look like one of THEM!
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...Chelsea Clinton got married this past weekend. Great to see Chelsea grow from an awkward, homely child to an awkward, homely adult.
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Tiger Woods' golf game, marriage crumbles. I guess going from 120 holes down to 18 has been too hard an adjustment for him!
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Justin Bieber to write memoir at 16. I hear his voice changes halfway through the audiobook when he goes thru puberty.
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...Brad Pitt may favor death penalty after BP oil spill. Says execs should hafta watch “Meet Joe Black” over & over til they kill themselves!
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...Playboy launches work-friendly website. Still be nude girls but on every other page will be a naked pic of Hef to reduce workers' erections.
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16yr-old Gossip Girl Taylor Momsen says her bff is her vibrator. In creepier news, Justin Bieber says he won't leave home w/o his buttplug!
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...Tila Tequila denies sex tape rumors. Good. When most Asians talk about doggie-style it usually means how they want their dinner prepared!
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...Ellen DeGeneres has left “American Idol.” Oh great, she quits the show where she DOESN'T dance like a retard.
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