brodieking Funny Status Messages

   Sorry to say, but if you're celebrating Veterans Day by calling into work so you can stay home and play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3, then you're doing it wrong.

   Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.

   If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I'm just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.

   Congrats to Comcast! Finally, somebody is happy to have Time-Warner Cable.

   Comcast acquiring Time Warner Cable is like Nickelback and Creed deciding to go on tour together.

   To all the Jehovas Witnesses: Happy 12:30am on a Wednesday!!!

   After getting an astronomical quote from my mechanic, I am going to try the ABS challenge. That's where I drive my car without anti lock breaks, until someone donates for me to get it fixed!

   To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

   This Friday the 13th instead of Jason popping out of nowhere to kill us, Jennifer Hudson will sing about how much weight shes lost until we commit suicide.

   The sale of Time Warner Cable to Comcast will be completed between 8am and 1pm depending on if the CEO is late at another appointment

   To all the Jehovas Witnesses: Happy 12:30am on a tuesday!!!

   Goal for 2014: Continue to live forever. So far, so good.

   I don't like the idea of having to go on in a world where good people like Robin Williams is no longer with us, but Justin Beiber is still alive and well.

   That moment you read a girls status that shouts out how much she loves her "brother", meanwhile you know shes an only child. #friendzoned

   What if at the end of Breaking Bad they drop Bryan Cranston into witness protection and that becomes the beginning of Malcolm in the Middle?

   This just in: The next upcoming New Years Rockin' Eve is to be hosted by a Hologram of Dick Clark.

   You can really see how much Americans care about their government when they are more worried about GTA Online's current shutdown instead.

   Oasis? Spice Girls? Fatboy Slim? I think the music director for the Olympics closing ceremony got ahold of my MP3 player from when I was in college 11 years ago.

   So I hear Sandusky's Santa application has been rejected...

   This just in: iOS 8.0.2 comes with a new toggle switch to straighten out your bent iPhone 6 Plus.