Snotty Funny Status Messages

   About 73% of the time, I just make up percentages

   Good judgement comes from experience. And all of that comes from bad judgment.

   "Dad?..." Yes Son?.... "Where do baby horses come from?".... Well, when a mare and a stallion are really in love… "Yes…" …and in a stable relationship…

   FYI: It's illegal to shine a laser pointer at a plane because a cat might attack the plane

   Miley Cyrus is already 41 in trailer park years

   Sorry I'm late,, the floor was lava

   Don’t believe in aliens, huh??,,,,,, Then explain how people in the 1800s got on top of those bicycles with the huge front wheels.

   I KNOW it's early,,, but I've already got a date lined up for Valentine's Day,,,,,,,,,,,,It's gonna be Feb.14th.

   I never finish anything.... I have a black belt in partial arts.

   WAIT.... So the suicide hotline is only for prevention?,, and not for nominating people to kill themselves?.. Well this sucks,,, I filled out a list and everything.

   A group of mistakes is called a life......... next question

   Obituaries are the first thing my Nana checks in the paper on Saturdays... I think she enjoys getting through to the next round.

   Considering the odds are about the same, I think it would be nice if we let the people literally "struck by lightning",, be the lottery winners...

   HEY,, I've only have 26 letters to work with.... Don't expect miracles.

   I've got the body of a 21 year old,, but I have to give it back cuz I'm getting it wrinkled

   Long story short: Roses and violets are their appropriate colours,,,, thus I find you attractive.

   I'm behind in my time traveling project. Or am I?

   What's the age cutoff for bringing chicken nuggets to dinner because you don't like the food?

   "I'm so sorry"... "No, I'm really sorry"... "No, I'm even sorrier than you" ... "No, I'm the sorriest ever!"... *mutual hug* ......*Canadian rap battle

   When anyone asks me to describe myself I just say "tired".