JOser Funny Status Messages
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My check engine light is on. Someone needs to service me.
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04-30-2010 17:22 by Joser
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you know what works better than a rape whistle? a rape pistol.
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05-12-2010 13:54 by Joser
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Work like you don't have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
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04-22-2010 17:37 by Joser
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mixd whiskey with water and got drunk... mixed brandy with water and got drunk... I mixed scotch with water and got drunk again... therefore I've reached the conclusion that water is bad for me...
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04-30-2010 01:23 by Joser
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LIFE INSURANCE: a contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich
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04-15-2010 23:22 by Joser
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You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called "going commando"? It seems to me it wouldn't be useful in a combat situation.
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05-19-2010 16:50 by Joser
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Sometimes, when I feel optimistic about the future of mankind, I go read the comments on YouTube and it brings me right back to reality.
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07-12-2010 11:39 by Joser
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The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
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07-15-2010 17:39 by Joser
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Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
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04-23-2010 19:03 by Joser
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What I meant to text: 'sweety pie'. What I actually texted: 'sweaty pig'. Proofreading: it can save relationships.
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05-14-2010 19:01 by Joser
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1f you c4n r34d th1s you r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
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03-23-2010 19:54 by Joser
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No man goes before his time....... Unless the boss leaves early...
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04-22-2010 19:19 by Joser
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KFC is donating money towards breast cancer. They don't want anything killing their customers except heart disease.
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05-04-2010 17:39 by Joser
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Well established facts can be disputed if you Google them hard enough.
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05-19-2010 16:50 by Joser
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Drinking, smoking and fatty foods are taking too long to kill me. I had to fall in love again to speed-up the process.
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04-15-2010 23:18 by Joser
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Don't be humble. You're not that great...
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04-27-2010 02:32 by Joser
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So excited: my DVD collection of "Hoarders" is almost complete! And on VHS! Also on Blu-ray and 8mm film. And LaserDisc. Where is my cat?
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07-08-2010 17:39 by Joser
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I wish there was a "I liked your Facebook status until every one of your moron friends had to comment on it
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07-15-2010 19:19 by Joser
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I'll tell ya, there's nothing better than a cold beer(s) after a long hard day of laying on the couch...
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05-23-2010 22:15 by Joser
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I'm no a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure "He started it," is a legit defense.
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05-07-2010 12:38 by Joser
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