StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of love? If you're dying to be hurt so badly, I've got a baseball bat for that.

   Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those Chinese food condiment packets.

   Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. The only KKK that will let bIack guys inside them.

   When you said coke I assumed you meant cocaine. No thank you. Soda is bad for you.

   Me: You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you're smart too, I like that.

   It all went to hell when attacking what we hate became more important than defending what we love.

   'LSD makes users lose weight' That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.

   Scooby Doo taught us that the real monsters are humans.

   All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don't get into relationships.

   I hate when my customers send angry emails to my boss just because I answered all of their questions with "Google it, f*ckface."

   Calm down check out guy, you don't have to inspect my $20 so hard, If I was talented enough to make my own, I wouldn't be in Quickie Mart.

   My friend was upset that he lost out on a promotion at work to an attractive older woman. I told him not to cry over skilled MILF.

   Based on their music alone, I think it's safe to say that Adele and Drake were hurt by the same man.

   I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn't finish my sandwich.

   Did we try giving the government a snickers?

   I don't know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese's to a box of tampons could literally save lives.

   Well, everyone at this red light certainly knows who the best goddamn air drummer is.

   I before E except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor...

   The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."

   My friend told me not to say anything about his new girlfriends lazy eye, so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her normal one.