K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   I have a feeling Thursday the 5th of July is not going to be a very produtive day at work.

   Never look for leftover fireworks in your car with a lighter. Good news is I now have a sunroof.

   It's so hot my watermelon melted.

   A picnic is a great way to see what all the foods you love would taste like if you added ants.

   Aww Crap, Monday found me again.

   You know it's hot when you open your deoderant and it's sweating.

   Went to Micky D's today and ordered the fish sandwich and for the first time ever the cheese was squarely on the sandwich.....almost brought a tear to my eye.

   The only stimulating book I want to read is "50 Shades of Gravy"

   Why do huge people by tiny cars? They look like they couldn't find clothes to fit, so they're wearing a car.

   My life may be a mess, but I know where everything is.

   I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.

   I've been struggling with my laziness. I can't decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.

   Boy, the "Chiller" channel has dropped the ball this afternoon. It's showing a movie titled "Midnight Movie" where a deranged killer stalks movie patrons.

   I find that a ducks opinion of me is largely influenced by whether or not I have bread.

   Drove by an automated speed sign, it said "SLOW DOWN! YOUR SPEED IS 45MPH" It was right next the sign that said "Speed Limit 45 MPH".

   All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.

   Trying to change my ways.......Now when I pick my nose, I don't wipe it on people anymore.

   You call it Russian Roulette, I call it waking up on Monday.

   Major blackout in India....looks like everybody who needs tech support is screwed.

   Second black out in India in two days......They really need to upgrade those tech support phone line so this will quit happening.