Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Give a man fish, and he'll eat for a day.. Give me fish, and I'll ask for chicken.

   NEWS: Scientists discover that doves can't cry............ Prince stripped of high school diploma.......

   Name brands really are better... For instance, I just found out that a "Tide pen" will work much better on a stain, then a regular pen.

   Two do list: -Do -Do

   FUN PRANK: Purchase any item at a CVS,, and then toilet paper the whole store with your receipt...... TWICE

   I Google-Earthed your house...... You're out of toilet paper.

   Whenever God closes a door,, he usually pushes me out of a window..

   How did the tooth cross the river? It took the "tooth ferry"......... Thanks, I'll be here all week

   I MAY have just clinched Olympic Gold,, by going 5 for 5,,, in my "popping the trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station." routine.

   So there's a t.v. show called, It's Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted

   I'm going to start doing things WITH further ado......... Take that, ado haters.

   Sadly, the makers of Crocs will never be brought to justice.

   Those that still can't believe it's not butter have margarinal faith.

   My Bucket List : #1. Rock down to "Electric-Avenue" #2. then take it higher..................(that's all I've got so far)

   If you ever have to choose between a large Weevil and a small Weevil,, take the smaller one... Cause, you know,,, It's the lesser of two weevils.

   I just got kicked out of a Whole Foods for wearing deodorant.

   "Don't take this the wrong way..." *doctor hands me a suppository

   Nice try 3rd grade music teacher,,, I don’t believe for one second that there were two John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidts.

   And then the devil said, "Just tell her to calm down."

   When pigs fly they will have the most delicious wings.