andrew jackson Funny Status Messages
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I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're. There so stupid.
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I’ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason.
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So apparently in a job interview, if the interviewer asks you to choose one word that describes you, the correct answer is not "fergalicious"
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How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She's quiet 2.She's yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
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Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I've never heard of.
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No, I didn't accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
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For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
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I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor
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I always know what my childhood friends are doing these days, thanks to the user-friendly county mugshot database.
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I have no idea what swag is, but I'm fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
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To make a long story short quit right in the middle
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Has anyone checked whether cows really have 4 stomachs? Because it kinda sounds like a lie a cow made up once to get more food
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Fell down the stairs today. Counting it as a workout
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Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
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Christopher Walken talks like he swallowed too many commas.
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The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
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well I've already broken my New Year's resolution, which was to be the ruthless dictator of Belgium.
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Every 3-year-old have two speeds: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME and FACE PLANT.
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Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
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You think you love your family but suddenly there's three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
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