minnie haha Funny Status Messages

   They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.

   So, this whole Mayan 12/21 thing - does anyone know if that's Mayan Standard Time or Mayan Daylight Time? Asking for a friend.

   It's not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn't figure out how to get the cork back in it.

   I hate going to elementary school concerts. I can never find a designated driver.

   If you're still here on December 22nd, you'll know I have successfully saved the world. In appreciation, I will accept money, exotic cars, and property as a form of payment. Now, if you'll excuse me....I have a job to do.

   Look, here's the deal: If you're into immature, sexually compulsive women who drink entirely too much and need to be the center of attention at all times..... you are going to like me a lot...

   Well that was disappointing. Not only was his name not Leonid - there were no meteors in his shower at all. I don't even think he was an astronomer.

   maybe the Mayans were referring to the Twinkiepocalypse.

   What manner of devilry is this?!? Just when Colorado and Washington legalize pot - Twinkies goes out of business?!?

   My husband got fired from his job at the deli for putting his finger in the pickle slicer. To be fair, she got fired, too...

   You Know You Are Too Drunk to Go Trick-or-treating:...When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over... When the door opens, you yell "Trick or...." and you can't remember the rest...

   ahhhhh....the muscle relaxers are finally kicking in.....they work SO much better when you take them with a half bottle of vodka. Wonder why it doesn't recommend that on the prescr

   I am pleased to announce that the PR firm of Helland-Hunt, LLC will be handling the issuance of all apologies on my behalf from now on. So, if you're looking for an “I'm sorry” from me, please go to Helland Hunt for it..

   If a tree fell in the woods and knocked over my beer, I'd be pretty darned mad whether I heard it or not.

   woke up this morning to a little frost on the pumpkins. Guess it's time to start wearing a bra again.

   Gin makes you Sin. And it's also an easier word to rhyme than vodka or bourbon.

   I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He's still alive, but his hair looks outstanding.

   Uh-oh. My guardian angel just enrolled in the witness protection program.

   Well, I'm off to check out the Perseid Meteor Shower...Oh, who am I kidding? I'm gonna get drunk, fall over backwards and try to see Uranus.

   You will always find me in the kitchen at parties... unless you've stashed the booze in a different room.