joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Don't be humble. You're not that great...
←Rate | 04-27-2010 02:32 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence... now go away...
←Rate | 04-27-2010 13:36 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
←Rate | 04-27-2010 13:38 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep.
←Rate | 04-27-2010 13:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is a universal truth that everything you do is at least 100 times louder when you're trying not to wake anyone up.
←Rate | 04-27-2010 18:56 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon friend request you on facebook?? woah, slow down we just met. tell me about yourself...oh, you're in the mafia AND you're a farmer? check please.
←Rate | 04-27-2010 18:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry dude. My girlfriend and I had a meeting and we've decided I don't want to hang out with you anymore.
←Rate | 04-27-2010 18:59 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I just fly to Arizona without ID and let them deport me to Mexico, would it be cheaper than if I flew directly there?
←Rate | 04-27-2010 19:03 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
←Rate | 04-27-2010 19:04 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon wants you to read this status... Keep reading it... There, now I have full control over your mind. Now bring me a beer!
←Rate | 04-27-2010 19:33 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon girl next to me at work is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup... NICE!
←Rate | 04-28-2010 13:43 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Condom says to Tampax.."You put me outta Business for 1 week a month. Tampax says to Condom..."If you don't do your job I lose mine for 9 months."
←Rate | 04-28-2010 13:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Helloooo summer. How I've missed you and your lack of responsibilities...
←Rate | 04-28-2010 13:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
←Rate | 04-28-2010 14:07 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes acupuncture is an "ancient technique." Other "ancient techniques" included leeches and dying from plague. I'm good with drugs thanks.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:11 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon People's cellphone ringtones say a lot about them. Usually they say, "I'm mystified by this phone settings."
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Interesting Factoid: Tall people earn $789 per year per inch more than shorter people.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:13 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Carry yourself like a queen and you'll attract a king. Carry yourself like a hoe and see how far you'll go.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:13 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you get mad at someone and push them down the stairs make sure it's the DOWN escalator...or you'll be there all day.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
←Rate | 04-28-2010 22:26 by Joser Comments (0)  




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