Nunthewizr Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Valet parking is just Canadian car jacking.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:50 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon They’re gathering information by going through our trash. Learning. Plotting. Raccoons haven’t forgotten that we used to wear them as hats.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:50 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They're always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:53 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cant think of a single life situation that cannot be improved by wearing tear away pants.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:55 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Screaming "Autobots, ROLL OUT" at someone in a wheelchair isn't funny. Everyone knows handicapped people are Decepticons................and my place in Hell is secured for the day.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:55 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses and play scrabble. SCIENCE!
←Rate | 02-04-2014 19:57 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'd think the only people on Earth who could teleport would be working for the military instead of State Farm.
←Rate | 02-04-2014 20:00 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know that one idiot that always flies by you when the roads are crappy? Am I the only one that secretly wishes they would go in the ditch or wreck their car?
←Rate | 02-08-2014 19:11 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies….there is a difference between fake tanning and changing your entire ethnicity during the winter months.
←Rate | 02-26-2014 10:01 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It's only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You'll be just fine.
←Rate | 02-26-2014 10:03 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Native Americans don't make fun of criminals because it's wrong to mock-a-sin.
←Rate | 02-26-2014 10:05 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Size doesn’t matter. It only, took one little comma to destroy this entire sentence.
←Rate | 02-26-2014 10:06 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't think of them as gingers. Think of them as sweet potato people.
←Rate | 02-26-2014 10:09 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Bieber goes to jail. Writes "Free JB!" on wall in protest. Learns cellmate is dyslexic.
←Rate | 02-26-2014 10:12 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're the new guy at a Chinese restaurant are you considered the Lo Mein on the totem pole?
←Rate | 02-26-2014 10:14 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the Universe could talk, it would sound like a combination of Morgan Freeman and Optimus Prime.
←Rate | 02-26-2014 10:15 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't get why any woman stays single. You would think they would get married so they can let themselves go.
←Rate | 05-05-2014 20:52 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can workout and brag about your muscles all you want but it still isn't going to make you any taller.
←Rate | 07-19-2014 10:19 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, donate my teeth to the Walmart Cashiers.
←Rate | 07-19-2014 10:23 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Swimming in the pool counts as a shower, right?!?
←Rate | 07-19-2014 10:24 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  




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