snotty Funny Status Messages

   Hey person calling from a blocked number, I'm not answering...... Ever.

   I know it's 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?

   BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.

   Next time someone presses the elevator button you've already pressed,,, act totally impressed & tell them they did it waaaay better than you.

   If I was single, I would have a stick figure of myself on the back of my car next to a bag of cash.

   I have a theory that the world will end in 5105, and we've been reading the Mayan calendar upside down

   I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.

   My neighbor is the CEO of a factory that makes annoying children

   I got my killer quads from hovering over public toilets.

   Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.

   My favourite part of driving through my state,, is the four-mile stretch of highway that isn’t under construction.

   Hello and welcome to DeVry orientation.. Sign-in sheets are on the left, Steve is passing out your diplomas,,, thanks & congrats class of 10:47.

   I just found out that his full name is actually,, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.

   I LOVE sleeping,,,,,, It's like being dead,,, Without all the commitment

   My driver's side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I'm probably gonna starve to death..

   My mother-in-law's coming,,,,, I had to clear out half my closet so she has a place to hang upside down and sleep

   Somehow,, We've got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.

   Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.

   I am.... 'My 1st car had an ashtray'... years old.

   Glad to hear we've all been picked up for another season.