Baddie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You may remember me from such events as ruining Christmas dinner.
←Rate | 12-21-2014 01:11 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 14:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only the married squirrels hurl themselves under car wheels.
←Rate | 01-12-2013 11:53 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alright ISIS, Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. You can stop now.
←Rate | 10-27-2014 13:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon [in ambulance] "Can you describe the snake that bit you?" Yes it was like an angry rope
←Rate | 12-03-2014 02:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon They're playing Nicki Minaj at the zoo. Wait no, just a couple of chimpanzees fighting.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 11:07 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is your captain speaking, we're going to make a slight detour while I search for a Wifi signal
←Rate | 03-30-2014 15:06 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So you hate me? I had no idea you existed. I guess we're even.
←Rate | 06-23-2014 14:37 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won't be necessary.
←Rate | 07-25-2014 02:51 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I walked past a car filled with Mexican teens and they locked all the doors. I was feeling like a bad ass until I realized, it was my damn car.
←Rate | 05-27-2012 11:25 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.
←Rate | 11-20-2014 00:08 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So everybody hates Crocs yet the company is worth $2 billion! Some of you must be lying!
←Rate | 04-23-2013 13:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So everybody hates Crocs yet the company is worth $2 billion! Some of you must be lying!
←Rate | 04-23-2013 13:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Funny how you can make friends with people just by liking and commenting on their Facebook posts. Then you show up unannounced in the middle of the night at their house and SUDDENLY IT'S WEIRD.
←Rate | 06-01-2013 12:29 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am sorry, I can't be a part of this diabolical act. Just kidding. I'll get the shovel.
←Rate | 07-26-2013 02:30 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coworker said 'nice pink shirt, when did you come out?' I said 'IT'S NOT PINK IT'S SALMON!'. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away.
←Rate | 03-22-2013 13:06 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I get a teardrop tattoo, do the welfare checks come to the house or is it direct deposit?
←Rate | 12-19-2012 00:15 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not my fault you thought I was normal.
←Rate | 09-05-2013 12:06 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'd think the liquor store cashier could at least PRETEND not to recognize me.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 12:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon She deleted and blocked me so I guess you can say we're taking it slow now.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 09:19 by Baddie Comments (0)  




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