Baddie Funny Status Messages



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Page: 78 of 86

   messageicon I'm white but not "I enjoy engaging people in discussions about antioxidants" white.
←Rate | 10-10-2014 01:38 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
←Rate | 10-11-2014 13:24 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that Fox News is 18 can we send it to Iraq?
←Rate | 10-12-2014 10:29 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I woke your baby when I opened my velcro wallet.
←Rate | 10-13-2014 01:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Officer: Is that cocaine? Me: I dunno, let me smell... (Boom! No evidence!)
←Rate | 10-13-2014 02:16 by Baddie Comments (1)  


   messageicon You could have just said you weren't having sex, you didn't have to wear crocs.
←Rate | 10-14-2014 14:36 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should line rock bottom with bubble wrap.
←Rate | 10-16-2014 13:05 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only lower the bar so it's easier to reach my drink.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 12:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom just asked me to get her lotion from her bathroom drawer. I don't know what I saw. I don't care what I saw. This is my suicide note.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 12:12 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I had half of the fight in me as the spider that I just washed down my bathroom sink did.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 12:59 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There have been more Taken sequels than Americans that have died from Ebola, if you wanted to know about the real epidemic.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 13:29 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon With gas prices at what 5 bucks a gallon? It's cheaper to do cocaine and just run everywhere.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 15:32 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm worried for my friend. He hasn't shared a blog article about the secret to happiness in weeks.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:04 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:32 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just a boy, standing in front of a hole, wondering if I might find glory on the other side.
←Rate | 10-24-2014 01:57 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh you think you have it bad? In my day you didn't see the other persons genitals until after you actually met them.
←Rate | 10-25-2014 13:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I'm just kidding there's no pizza.
←Rate | 10-25-2014 13:04 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Public restrooms are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet and is wearing heels on one pair.
←Rate | 10-25-2014 13:18 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dogs say the nicest things to me, sure it sounds like my voice but its their words.
←Rate | 10-26-2014 10:37 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I photobombed your selfie, but I needed an alibi.
←Rate | 10-27-2014 12:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  




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