Snotty Funny Status Messages
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I refused to allow my doctor to diagnose me with OCD.. Acronyms must contain an even number of letters.
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12-01-2012 17:30 by snotty
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I love this oscillating fan 5 out of every 15 seconds
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02-27-2013 10:46 by snotty
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I can't understand half the things bilingual people say.
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10-01-2012 21:35 by snotty
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So I'm at the farmer’s market,,, carefully picking out produce to throw away next week.
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08-29-2013 19:46 by snotty
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My morning alarm tone is The Price is Right loser music
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03-21-2014 19:46 by snotty
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Watching the kids play hide and seek in the park,,, and mine just hid behind a chain link fence.. at least I don't have to save for college
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06-06-2014 20:57 by snotty
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Overview of my résumé: 1. Quick eater 2. Extensive knowledge of Parkour 3. Argumentative 4: Fired from McDonalds 5: Am I a multi tasker, (I can sneeze and pee at the same) 6: leading my Fantasy Football league..
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09-21-2013 13:44 by snotty
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It's like my father used to say "Go get that rock over there... I promise I won't drive away this time."
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11-10-2013 17:38 by snotty
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Ya'll are welcome to try and seize the day... I gave it a whirl, but the damn thing bit me.
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12-27-2013 10:26 by snotty
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It was the busta rhymes,,, It was the wursta rhymes
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09-28-2012 08:26 by snotty
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"Slow, I say a-slow! Slow ride, I say. Take it easy now, I say, a-take it real easy, now I say." -Foghat Leghorn
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08-24-2012 20:31 by snotty
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Son: Dad, what's a hypocrite?.... Me: It's when an idiot wants to change the name of a football team while putting Aunt Jemima syrup on waffles.
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10-19-2015 21:20 by snotty
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Every time I hear Earth Angel,,, I check my hands to make sure I'm not fading.
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08-04-2013 07:25 by snotty
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Sometimes,,, I wish marriage between a man and woman was illegal too.
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10-30-2012 11:54 by snotty
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"Don't stop bereaving."..............Karaoke singer at a Japanese funeral..
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06-23-2012 14:16 by snotty
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Thought I had a political tweet but it ended up being gas
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10-28-2013 18:08 by snotty
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You're supposed to wash asparagus before throwing it away,,, right?
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12-13-2012 17:47 by snotty
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"Can't You Just Let Me Watch The Damn Football Game?" – the Working Title of my new Childrens book
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07-27-2012 07:54 by snotty
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PRO PARENTING TIP: 1. Take pictures of you pulling baby out of spacecraft in forest... .2. Hide pictures in attic for kid to find when he's ten... 3. When he asks you about the picture, stare silently into the ceiling for 10 min. then make chirping noise
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04-12-2013 16:28 by snotty
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Make sure you have at least one friend who invents words. It could be me, or it could be another wordventor,,, It doesn't matter.
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05-20-2013 19:24 by snotty
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