StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn't have any pictures of me either.

   Tequila probably won't fix your problems, but it's worth a shot.

   Oh thank goodness, you posted another selfie. I almost forgot what you looked like since the selfie 5 minutes ago.

   Nice try Jehovah's Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.

   Me: This chicken is undercooked. Wife: You don't appreciate my cooking. Me: I think the vet could save it if it we took it right now.

   I just found out c.ock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.

   If schools were really serious about fundraisers, they'd sell drugs and alcohol.

   People b**ching in the express line about the lady writing a check will be p!ssed when I try to barter a sheep for this 6-pack of Bud Lite.

   Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet? Step the fu*k up

   Some souls are consumed with what grows in the garden of others and then wonder, why their own does not flourish.

   Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat, then I remember they just feed off attention.

   I've just invented a new word: "Plagiarism"

   How does a woman carry a child in her stomach for 9 months, go through all the pain, hold it in her arms, and end up calling it laquisha

   If you ever feel unconfident in your body, just remember that pornhub wouldn't keep their fat girl category if guys didn't like it and it wasn't making them money.

   Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.

   I used to be passive aggressive but now I'm aggressively passive. Don't mess with me, idiot. I'll sit right here. I'll f*cking forgive you.

   The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.

   Orgy was going well until I realized it was an intervention

   I hate guys who are like "your dating my ex? Hope you like leftovers" like wtf, haven't you had cold pizza the next day? It's the best

   I'm not judgmental, so when I see a person driving slow in the fast lane, I never assume what gender she is