Eddy Funny Status Messages

   I opened up this app & just keep swiping right at all the sexy pictures...I can't believe how many selfies I have stored in my pictures

   raisins....nonalcoholic box of wine

   been single for so long I should change my name to "Kraft"

   a president with sex tapes...gee, I'm glad we didn't put a Clinton in office again

   don't forget tonight we time travel without a T.A.R.D.I.S

   when I go to the store looking for paper towel, I feel like a BOUNTY hunter

   irony...Valentine's Day is abbreviated as "VD"

   pro tip....today invest in buying Energizer & Duracell stocks

   IKEA is just adult LEGO sets

   Agree or disagree with the Trump protesters....he got more people walking in 1 day than Michelle Obama did in 8 years

   my yard is so white it got nominated for an Academy Award

   I wake up feeling like a golden statue....everyone else is the pigeons

   my new years resolution is 1680 x 1050

   when couples get married they should be required to each give up 1 sock & put them together to make a pair of socks....later on if they divorce they get their sock back. "Master has given me a sock. I am free"

   I wish I was Santa...he knows where the naught women live

   It's so cold now, when I turn on Netflix I call it "Netflix & get chilled"

   it's the time of year agian to get a lot of fruit cakes...now I cant wait for them to leave & go back to their own homes

   if you burn the turkey, just tell the family they're eating blackbird

   Pence should consider himself lucky....worse has happened with presidents at theaters

   will Hurricane Matthew be followed by hurricanes Mark, Luke & John?