Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon All these photos of kid's first day going off to school. How come nobody posts photos of their kids off to their first day of summer school?
←Rate | 09-02-2021 08:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The reality is that there is NO reasonable alternative to evolution in science. At least not a version of “science” which does not glean its facts from a book written thousands of years ago by primitive desert people.
←Rate | 09-01-2021 23:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is it with people seeing the color black, and how it makes people feel that their lives are in immediate danger?
←Rate | 09-01-2021 17:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What evidence is there that cats are so smart, anyway? What do they do? Because they’re clean? I am sorry. My Uncle Pete showers four times a day and he can’t count to ten. So don’t give me hygiene.
←Rate | 09-01-2021 16:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I can survive seeing my mom google “best jeans for oddly shaped teens” I can survive anything.
←Rate | 09-01-2021 09:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon To many environmentally-friendly Facebook philosophers and not enough people willing to bend over to pick up a piece of garbage.
←Rate | 09-01-2021 09:14 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you’re trying to lose weight but you’re starving, eat a banana. I’ve had 73 of them today
←Rate | 09-01-2021 09:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Put a picture of a random coworker on your desk to spice up the workplace
←Rate | 09-01-2021 09:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
←Rate | 08-31-2021 14:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can fear God all you like. Me, on the other hand, will be friends with God.
←Rate | 08-31-2021 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Well at least I don't have to wake up early any more." Is what I want my tombstone to say
←Rate | 08-30-2021 19:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Common sense is not a gift, it's a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.
←Rate | 08-30-2021 19:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So does the voice that gives us the weather warnings have a name??
←Rate | 08-30-2021 18:24 by MM Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hurricanes are wet. Very wet. With lots of wet water. Not many people know that.
←Rate | 08-30-2021 14:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your enemy insist on taking horse dewormer.....let them.
←Rate | 08-30-2021 09:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the quarantine lasts longer than expected and your cousin starts looking extra thick.
←Rate | 08-29-2021 01:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Started a new diet, nothing but baked beans and prune juice for the next nine weeks.
←Rate | 08-28-2021 21:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some guy asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water. I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat.
←Rate | 08-27-2021 16:37 by MM Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a tree falls on your ex on the woods and no one hears it you should still get rid of the chainsaw. ..Just in case!
←Rate | 08-27-2021 12:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know growing up I could tell who had money and who didn't. People with money had Tupperware people without money had butter containers.. We used butter and cool whip containers
←Rate | 08-26-2021 16:30 Comments (0)  

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