nunthewizr Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, speak of, mention, discuss, or chat about Thesaurus Club.
←Rate | 07-21-2013 19:36 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's fun: Knock on random doors and say, "Hi, my name is Current Resident, and I've been told you're the jerk who has been opening all my mail."
←Rate | 07-21-2013 19:36 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Advice to remember: when people say, "Word to the wise," they generally mean, "Word to the stupid."
←Rate | 07-21-2013 19:37 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I watched a bee land on my arm. I let it sting me while I just stared at it and said, "Is it in yet?" just to make it feel insecure.
←Rate | 07-21-2013 19:38 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do your friends always wait until you breakup with someone to tell you that they thought they were ugly?
←Rate | 08-01-2013 10:36 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which is creepier. Being in a bathroom stall and looking out through the crack in the door, you see someone looking back? Or looking into the stall and you see someone looking out?
←Rate | 08-01-2013 11:08 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon snaxting a thing? Like texting each other pictures of your snacks? Because I kind of think I'd be good at that.
←Rate | 08-07-2013 21:07 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon The term "chubby chasers" is so misleading and inaccurate. They don't run.
←Rate | 08-07-2013 21:07 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
←Rate | 08-07-2013 21:08 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Very little scares me. So does very big.
←Rate | 08-16-2013 20:20 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish people would be honest in their FB posts, like, "Happy birthday to my slightly less than average looking kind of friend, Jenny."
←Rate | 08-16-2013 20:21 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I'm always like, "I love you," and they're like, "Thank you for choosing Pizza Hut."
←Rate | 08-16-2013 20:21 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I run toward people and get so frustrated that they don't know I want to do the Dirty Dancing lift. Then it just becomes awkward.
←Rate | 08-16-2013 20:23 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon In other news....Hannah Montana changes her name to Hannah Idaho.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 16:13 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have nothing against people who choose to smoke but that whole little thing you do, with cracking your car window and blowing smoke out doesn’t help. Umm….yeah….your car still stinks.
←Rate | 09-28-2013 14:34 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walmart Guy: Sir, it should take about thirty minutes for your oil change. If you want to do some shopping, we will call your name out over the loudspeaker when we are finished. Me: If you want to live, you will not call my name out over the loudspeaker.
←Rate | 09-28-2013 14:50 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life would be better if squirrels liked sitting on our shoulders. You can’t be sad with a cool squirrel friend on your shoulder.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 18:28 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he's homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 18:29 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon How long are we gonna joke about the government shutting down and pretend like Skynet didn’t just go online?
←Rate | 10-13-2013 18:32 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got an anxiety attack when I first heard DC was shutting down. Then I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized it wasn’t the comic books.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 18:33 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  




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