andrew jackson Funny Status Messages
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Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I've never heard of.
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I just saw a guy wearing uggs get arrested. Not sure what for, but I'm hoping it was because he was wearing uggs
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Obama said he wouldn't let his son play football bc he fears it would cause dementia. Someone should tell Obama that he doesn't have a son.
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I hate cyclists. You're driving along enjoying life then BAM! you're stuck driving 10mph behind some jerk with way nicer calves than you
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Did you hear that? Busta Rhymes is the best corner in the game. Don't you dare put him up against Crabtree.
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If you think the Harbaugh or Manning brothers are competitive, wait until you meet two friends of mine, named Niles and Frasier Crane.
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"Careful, there's dog poop on the dance floor." - how ballet was invented.
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Stuck in a meeting? Just start yelling Omaha! Then grab your papers and run out of there.
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I think it's important to have a fitness plan you can actually stick to, which is precisely why mine is to become shipwrecked.
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Another rapper was arrested with Justin Bieber. In related news, rappers are getting way less cool
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Every teenage girls super power is that they "literally die" every day and live to tweet about it.
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All any of us really want is someone to be a Chunk to our Sloth.
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I stared into the abyss and the abyss was like, "Uh my eyes are up here!"
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"This was the best football game I've ever seen!" -Guy who's never seen a football game.
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Sorry I broke into your house, dressed your cat like Angela Lansbury, and filmed my "Meowder She Wrote" pilot.
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When a financial adviser asks me my goals I'm embarrassed to admit that it's to ride a snowmobile on the moon
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well I've already broken my New Year's resolution, which was to be the ruthless dictator of Belgium.
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Every 3-year-old have two speeds: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME and FACE PLANT.
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If you log into Australian Instagram you can see the bottom half of your sunset photos.
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No thanks CVS, I don’t need a bag. I’ll just wrap up my purchase in the 12 foot receipt you just gave me.
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