StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   Facebook needs a 'Wow that's the dumbest f*cking thing I've ever heard, you should be punched in the throat' button.

   Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship.

   You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.

   It's hilarious when textbooks try too hard at being racially diverse. "Brad, Latisha, Pablo and Kwan were doing a math problem..."

   That "speaking to another human being" feature on my phone has got to be my least favorite feature.

   I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.

   The older I get the more I realise there are no grown ups and nobody knows what the f*ck they're doing.

   The difference between "I do" and "Do me" is the happily ever after part.

   Karma is when you throw a banana in Mario Kart and you end up slipping on it.

   I learned all my dance moves from the paternity test episodes of Maury.

   It's getting harder and harder to tell Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife apart.

   All my life I've wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.

   Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. The only KKK that will let bIack guys inside them.

   The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."

   Why are they called One Direction? Looks to me like they go both ways.

   "Excuse me," I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket." "I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yogurt." "It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yogurt."

   I hate it when kids think I don't care about whatever the hell they were just talking about.

   Some people you know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.

   My d*ck was in the Guinness Book of World Records but then the librarian told me to take it out

   I'm at the doctor's office & they don't know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I'll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.