Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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Newton's laws say that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, proving he knew nothing about women.
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So have they made a drink called Tequila Mockingbird yet? What the hell are they waiting for???
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I got a mosquito bite last night... Bet that little guy is pretty hungover today.
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I miss being a kid. My only responsibilities were running around and laughing a lot. And someone else was in charge of my hair.
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The cops came to my house earlier, claiming that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I said "Piss off, my dog doesn't have a bike!"
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I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
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I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
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Don't think we didn't notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
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I don't need to make better choices, I need better things to choose FROM.
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I called my doctor and told her I have an erection that's lasted longer than 4 hours. We're meeting for drinks in 30 minutes.
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I've finally collected enough rats asses to give to everyone on my list.
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I'm living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people! Respect it!
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2011 Pick Up Lines: "I have a full tank of gas."
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If we're not supposed to have late night snacks.. why is there a light in the fridge?
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We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes... ;) :D :P
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You know you're desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
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Ever see an ugly woman with 3 or more kids, and wonder to yourself, "Who KEEPS f*cking you?!"
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I was alone in the house last night, lying in bed, and all of a sudden I heard someone fart. I didn't know whether to laugh or be scared as hell.
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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your ass.
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You're not living life right if you don't get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
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